It has been many years since our pregnancy challenges. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago (our kids are now in high school and college), but there are moments that it feels like yesterday.
As grief goes, there are triggers that bring you back to a moment in time that stops you in your tracks. For me and the loss of our daughter, Margaret, it's the theme song from Polar Express. We lost her late in pregnancy so there was a week from when we found out she was no longer living to the day that she was taken from my body. Until very recently, it was the longest and hardest week of my life. During that week, I took our two toddlers to see Polar Express in a desperate need to entertain them. Hearing the song from the movie brings me right back to that day. Thankfully, it is only played in the month before Christmas.
I would love to say the weeks after that were easy, but they weren't. It took us a long time to recover. During that difficult time, I was given an angel pin. It was a small, pewter pin that I kept in various places as we tried to get back to normal life. Sometimes it was pinned inside my bag and sometimes on the inside of my pocket. I touched that pin all the time. There was something about it that gave me a connection. It was my Secret Angel.
While speaking to a friend recently about grief and loss I realized why this pin may have been so important to me. Unlike losing a loved one that you have walked alongside, losing an unborn child leaves no physical connection on this earth. There is nothing they touched, or wore, or hugged. There is something about a physical connection that brings comfort when your loved one is gone. When that was unavailable, thanks to a friend, I found what worked for me.
In the years after we lost Margaret, many around me experienced similar loss. It's like a secret club you never wanted to join, and you don't know the members until you become one of them. Each time, I searched for something like that angel pin to send them in the hopes that it might help them in the same way it helped me, but nothing seemed quite right. I was looking for something artsy and unique without the undertones of organized religion (as I understand the spiritual journey is also another deeply personal one).
It now seemed time to design a gift to share during this difficult time. Through our partnership with Jamie Conrad from Darling Wren, we designed this special, hand-hammered cuff with its Secret Angel stamped inside in the hopes that it will bring comfort on the path to peace.
If you choose to send this Secret Angel Cuff to a friend, the package will include its backstory as follows and a note from you if you so desire.
Personally, my cuff has become part of my daily wardrobe. I love its simplicity and its secret that I hold dear to my heart.